...God, Why Me??....

Have you ever asked this question as you throw your hands up in the air and tears stream down your flustered, chattering,  sometimes shaking cheeks "God, Why Me?"  I must say over the course of the last decade I have asked this question many times in the same form as previously mentioned, though in the last year there Might have been shaking fists involved... I have come to a place in my life where I have realized something...Why NOT me? Truth is, the choices we make the decisions we don't thoroughly investigate could and probably will affect the rest of your life. As I'm raising 3 kids alone I think to myself, yes they are getting older..but I still have to treat them like toddlers.. "Pick your battles" I like to call it. Chances are the little choices like what to wear, which shoes to buy or how to cut your hair won't matter in 5 years (the little choices, picking your battles). But The BIG choices...Those are the ones that I have had a hard time with. I can look at my life and say "How did this happen? God, Why Me?" but the truth really is Why not me? I made the big choices without a consultation with someone that had the blue print to the end. I guess what I am trying to say is we (I) bring a lot of things on ourselves (myself). Am I ultimately the one that walked away? No. Am I the one that caused my kids and I to be a statistic? No. But I made a choice long before and that choice led me here.  So as I look the question "Why not Me?" in the eye what do I realize? and what do I do?.... I realize this:  ::  I can't change you. I can't change him. I can't change "them". I can only change me.::
At my parents house they used to have this coffee table...it was referred to as the "coffee table of death"..it was a brutal little beast. Toes, Heads, Knees, elbows, didn't matter the victim...It showed NO MERCY!! How many times did I see my niece Olivia when she was a baby hit her head on it trying to get a toy that had rolled under it? I can't answer that...it was a lot! How many times did I hit my shin or knee cap on it? Same amount of times I am sure. Toes...oh my...the pain it would cause on baby toes.... Mine hurt just thinking about it.     ::Trust me, I am going somewhere with this::      For some reason I felt it was ok to not turn on the lights when walking into the living room where the beast lived..why? No idea! Because every time without fail I would hit some part of my knee down on the beast...and yet I would do it over and over. Much like Olivia and her toy retrieval  adventures. *the point*  Do you think God looks down at us and sees that we are about to get hurt, we are about to make another mistake ::probably for the 2nd or 3rd time:: and he clinches his fist, grinds his teeth  sucking air through his teeth, slightly turning his head and squinting the eyes as to "not watch, but its like a train wreck and you have to watch" at us? Much like the face I would make just seconds before Olivia bumped her head on the table. Just not enough time to save her!.... The end result to this beast's life was banishment from the home! We couldn't make the table "play nice", we couldn't train kids not to go under it retrieving toys, we couldn't even train adults to steer clear of it..Or to turn on the lights and approach the room slowly....so, it had to go!      ::Theory, you can't change the problem (or the beast). You can only change what you have control over (your reaction/action)::

                     Ella, Dunkan, Griffin, Charleigh, Lukas, Olivia & Hudson

                                       These are my sister and I's kids :-)

I went to my high school reunion this past weekend, it wasn't REALLY "MY" reunion but they did a combo reunion for 15 yr get together. Most of them I am friends with on Facebook, some don't have FB (whats up with those people anyway?!?!)  and others well... I'm not sure why we aren't FB friends. Everyone knows you aren't really friends until FB confirms it. Anyway, *the point* It was surprising to me at how many didn't know I was divorced...for some of you, you just read that and said "What? When did that happen?" ...its ok, you didn't miss the Realtionship Status Change. I didn't broadcast it. I didn't bash him. I didn't make people side.  I can't change the facts...I can only control my actions and reactions. I say that to say this... I CAN'T CONTROL ME ANYMORE!! Just Kidding Bahahaha           No, really... its a daily choice what we allow to take over our hearts, minds, thoughts, bodies. You have to turn the lights on, approach slowly, and observe...Always try to think, BIG PICTURE! Will it matter in 5-10 yrs? If not...don't let it be of matter now. If it will matter... Fight for it! Rather than asking "God, Why Me?".... Give yourself a good look in the mirror and say "I made the last few choices.... God, how about you make the rest of them".

My dad says: "Make the big decisions first and the little ones will either fall into place or won't be so hard to make" -Ric Freeman- ::That guys is smart::

So I end with this, Thank you for reading. Sorry you will not be getting a refund. You can not get these 5 minutes or your life back. but I appreciate you being nosy. ;-)   And this: Pray. Pray Daily. Pray hard. If you run out of things to pray for in your own life...Feel free to pray for things in mine.